Bleh ;

I really do hate it when my friends talk about boys . When they talk about their "amazing" boyfriends , or their "annoying fights" or how in "love " they really are . I mean , I AM happy for them , don't get me wrong . But they make me feel sooooo ... inferior . That's the best way I could put it . INFERIOR . Really tho . I mean while they go on blabbing about the fights and the kisses and the exes and their baby's I'm here looking around like a freakin' retard pretending not to notice . Going "lalala , I don't know ANYTHING about this" I hate being so inexperienced . I mean , they always say "You're really lucky you haven't had one , a boyfriend just means PAIN" but the way I see it , it doesn't help at all . The way i see it is "It's better to have loved and lost then never loved AT ALL " I mean sure , you're boyfriend makes you cry , sure your boyfriend makes you hurt . But look how much you gain from that ? You have someone always there to make you feel LOVED , and to make you feel like the BEST person you could be . You have someone who can tell you you're beautiful and you can actually BELIEVE it this time , because if you weren't why would he be attracted to you . Someone you can believe in , someone to cry to , someone who can BELIEVE IN YOU . Just someone to always be there . I mean doesn't everyone WANT THAT and STRIVE FOR THAT ? While I'm here , lonely . Self concious , feeling inferior . I feel like such the underdog , I feel like a loser . I'm inferior to you guys in every way , I'm not as pretty , I'm not as rich , I don't dress as well , I don't have the greatest hair , I've never had a boyfriend . SHOOT , I've never even kissed someone . In many ways I feel like I shouldn't be friends w/ you , that I'm too unworthy , that people look at us and wonder how I could POSSIBLY fit in . That someone else SHOULD replace me . I wonder every day why god blessed me w/ you guys as friends . But at the same time , I feel like the lowest and highest person ever when I'm w/ you guys . Happy , but inferiorness is holding me back , bringing me back to sad .